ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
