Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
