I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
