Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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