just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
