i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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