You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
