It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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