I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
