I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
