New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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