She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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