do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
