You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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