the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
