You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
