You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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