I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
