They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
