Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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