Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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