know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
