I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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