So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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