highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
