Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
