I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
