there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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