drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
