Do you still have your period?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
