His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
