You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
