Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
