are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
