lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
