I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
