i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
