I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
