I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
