I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
