i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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