When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
