I'm going to rape someone's good day.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
