i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
