My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
