its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
