Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
