Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cut my penus on the lid.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
