so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
