Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
