her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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