drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
